Page 36:

• INT. BOOKSTORE – NIGHT


• The poetry reading is hopping. Duane, Donna, and Nicholas sit off to the side. Nicholas holds a small dish that’s stacked high with meatballs.


• A SCRAGGLY POET WITH AN EYE PATCH is rocking the mic.


• EYE PATCHED POET
• (with eyes closed)
• And I wept, for I had no one with whom to share my beautiful erection. Thank you.


• Awkward silence and then VERY POLITE APPLAUSE.


• DONNA DASHER
• (referring to the poetry)
• How do you like it?


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• (referring to the meatballs)
• They’re really good.


• The MC of the event, DIANE BARTHOLOMEW-DREW goes to the mic.


• DIANE BARTHOLOMEW-DREW
• Thank you, Norman. Powerful as always. Our final poet tonight is Caroline Bees.


• Again, polite applause as CAROLINE BEES comes to the mic.


• CAROLINE BEES
• Thank you, Diane. This is dedicated to a guy I used to know. A voice from the clouds tells you that you have to perform a task. A simple task. You have to fall in love. If you don’t the world will end. And everyone will know it was your fault. They’ll all go to heaven but you’ll go to hell, and, in heaven, someone will say, “Isn’t someone missing?”, and everyone will look around and they’ll do a head count and find that Nick Fredland isn’t there. Then the rumors will start and it’ll get pretty ugly, so God will have to step in and say, “Yeah, it was Nick. He couldn’t even fall in love. So you all died”, and someone will say, “What a jerk”, and someone else will say, “Seriously, how hard could it have been?”, and some real sad sack will stand up and say, “Even I fell in love!”, and everyone will laugh.

Page 35:

• Duane puts the car in drive and starts up the street.


• DUANE DASHER
• How’re you doing, man?


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• (hesitating)
• Good. Pretty good. Fair. You know.


• DUANE DASHER
• Same as usual, eh?


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• I’m riding the roller coaster.


• DUANE DASHER
• Nah, you’re a rock.


• DONNA DASHER
• We’ll make sure you have a good time tonight.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Thanks. Where are we going, anyway?


• DONNA DASHER
• A poetry reading.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Oh, god, no.


• Nicholas slumps.


• DUANE DASHER
• Don’t worry. It’s cool. You’ll like it. There’ll be food, too.


• Nicholas brightens.


• DONNA DASHER
• And beer.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• I don’t drink anymore.


• DUANE DASHER
• You might start back up after you hear some of this poetry.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• You said I’d like it. It’s that bad?


• DUANE DASHER
• No, it’s that good.

Page 34:

• Nicholas shovels the Kleen’s steps. You’d think he’d half-ass it but he does a bang up job.


• He finishes and sprints back up the steps, but it’s too late.


• A car pulls into the driveway. It’s one of those NEW FANGLED HYBRIDS. DUANE DASHER is behind the wheel. DONNA DASHER is in the passenger seat. Duane hits a friendly beep on the horn.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• (startled)
• Gah!


• Nicholas turns. Duane and Donna wave. Nicholas gives an I’ll be right there wave. He puts the snow shovel in the corner of the porch and takes a moment to compose himself.


• INT. CAR – NIGHT


• Nicholas opens the backdoor and slides in.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Hey, guys.


• DONNA DASHER
• Nicholas Fredland!


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Hey, Donna.
• (making eye contact with Duane in the rearview mirror)
• Duane.


• Duane nods his head in greeting and puts the car in reverse.


• DONNA DASHER
• It’s too bad P. couldn’t come. What was she doing?


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• I think she’s having an affair.


• DONNA DASHER
• Really? That’s horrible. You two are so good together. Do you know the guy?


• DUANE DASHER
• I think he’s joking.


• DONNA DASHER
• Oh.

Page 33:

• INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT


• Nicholas crouches by the front window. He’s got his coat and hat on. All the lights are off. Lincoln’s Head is on the floor by his feet.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• Is this really how you want them to find you when they arrive?


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• No, the point is they won’t be able to find me.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• Then why do you have your coat on?


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Because it snowed again and there’s this little voice in my head screaming, “Clean the walk! Clean the walk!”.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• And you’re wondering if you can clear it before they get here.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• I’ve got ten minutes but ever since those two got married they’ve been acting all adult and responsible.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• The very nerve.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• They have a horrible habit of arriving early.
• (standing)
• But I gotta do it.


• Nicholas opens the front door and bolts outside.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• God bless.


• EXT. DUPLEX – NIGHT


• Nicholas shovels the walk. He’s twitchy and his nerves are shot. Every car that drives down the street freaks him out.


• He finishes the the sidewalk and the steps that lead up to his half of the duplex. He rushes back onto the porch and notices that the Kleen’s steps are still covered. They’re ELDERLY. He should really do their side too.

Page 32:

• INT. KITCHEN – MORNING


• Penelope is doing the dishes as Nicholas comes in. Nicholas looks for something to eat in the refrigerator. There isn’t any food that he wouldn’t have to take at least a couple minutes to prepare so he closes the door.


• He grabs a bag of pretzels from on top of the fridge and sits at the table.


• The phone rings.


• Nicholas doesn’t move.


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• Would you get that?


• Nicholas keeps eating.


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• (drying her hands)
• You are so useless.
• (answering the phone)
• Hello? Oh, hey, Donna. What’s up?


• Nicholas finishes the bag of pretzels.


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• No, I’m busy tonight but Nick’s free. I’ll ask him if he wants to go.


• Penelope holds the phone away from her mouth, conspicuously not covering the receiver.


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• Donna and Duane are going out for drinks tonight and they want to know if you want to go.


• Nicholas vigorously shakes his head. He REALLY doesn’t want to go.


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• (putting the receiver back to her lips)
• He’d love to. I’ve got the car tonight so you’ll have to pick him up. Is that okay? Great. 8:30. Take care.


• Penelope hangs up the phone and goes back to the sink. Nicholas glares at the back of her head.

Page 31:

• Nicholas rushes out the backdoor carrying the basketball. Penelope sits at the table and eats her egg.


• EXT. DUPLEX – MORNING


• Nicholas shoots hoops in the basket that’s on the back of the duplex. He’s not making ANY buckets.


• There’s snow on the grass but all the concrete is clear. It’s still very cold. Nicholas has bare feet and no shirt.


• INT. KITCHEN - MORNING


• Penelope’s finish her egg. She goes to the backdoor and looks out.


• EXT. DUPLEX - MORNING
  
• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• I’d say something about there not being adequate ventilation in that attic but you where crazy before you went up there, so I can’t blame the paint fumes.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• (missing another shot)
• I’m totally wired. I just need to burn off some energy.


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• Should I be insulted that you didn’t want to screw it off?


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• (finally making one)
• Yes!


• Nicholas dribbles the ball over to the back porch.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
It’s cold out here. What where you saying?

• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• Nothing.


• Penelope turns and goes back into the kitchen. Nicholas tries to execute some NIFTY BETWEEN THE LEGS DRIBBLING but fails. He heads up the porch stairs.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Cold, cold, cold.

Page 30:

• INT. BASE OF ATTIC STAIRS – NIGHT


• Penelope looks up the stairs. The light is on but it’s quiet. Too quiet.


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• (shouting)
• I’m going to sleep.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• (off screen)
• Okay!


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• Good night!


• Penelope heads towards the bedroom.


• INT. ATTIC – LATE NIGHT


• Nicholas is still hard at work. Lincoln’s Head is asleep on the table.


• The painting, to tell you the truth, isn’t very good.


• INT. KITCHEN – MORNING


• Penelope makes herself a SUNNY SIDE EGG.


• Nicholas comes racing into the room. He’s only wearing these REALLY SWANKY, BLACK PAJAMA PANTS.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Have you seen the basketball?


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• Did you sleep up there?


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• No, no sleep. Painting. Basketball?


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• Do we own a basketball?


• Nicholas buzzes around looking for the basketball.


• PENELOPE PENELOPE
• It would be a shame if we didn’t since we’ve got that hoop out there.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Found it!

Page 29:

• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• Or something else.


• Nicholas has covered one side of the newspaper with doodles. He’s tired of aimlessly doodling. He looks around for something to SKETCH but doesn’t feel like drawing any of the objects in the room.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• You’re right, not a game. What would the greats have done on a night like tonight? What wondrous endeavors would they set for themselves?


• Nicholas looks at Abe, flips the newspaper over, and starts SCRIBBLING away.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• Something to challenge the intellect, to dust off the cobwebs, and expand one’s horizons. Something befitting our honored place in the echelon.


• Nicholas sketches furiously.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• Charades?


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Ah-ha!


• Nicholas leaps up, grabs Lincoln’s Head and sprints up the stairs.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• Or not! I’m open to suggestions!


• INT. ATTIC – NIGHT


• Nicholas stands at an EASEL painting like a madman. Lincoln’s Head is on a table in front of him. It’s kind of a portrait and kind of a still life.


• LINCOLN’S HEAD
• I’m not entirely sure this is what I had in mind.


• NICHOLAS FREDLAND
• Hold still.


• Lincoln’s Head, resigning himself to his fate, tries to look heroic.